Stop Expecting Women of Color to Do Your Emotional Labor at Work: 7 Things to Do Instead

It's Women's History Month, and it's time to stop expecting and asking women of color at work to do your emotional labor, your DEI education, and all the “invisible” administrative tasks at work. Your WOC colleagues and leaders are not your "office mom," either (recognizing that “office mom” is a problematic term and concept in and of itself, which this article from The Atlantic that I was quoted in explores more in-depth).

Yep, I’m not playing around today.

Women of color have long been expected to take on the laborious work of taking care of the whole team and organization, thinking of all the little things and small touches that others take for granted, and educating and guiding colleagues when it comes to all things DEI.

All while also doing their actual jobs…And sometimes those of others on their team! #KeepingItAllTheWayReal 

There is so much emotional labor (as well as regular labor) involved in carrying all those responsibilities from week to week. And somehow it’s never the work that’s valued and praised during performance reviews, and certainly not the grounds for merit raises! On a “good day” there may be a cursory “thank you” or two (but, listen, talk is cheap).

As we continue to move forward in a working world where startups, companies, and nonprofits may or may not “walk the walk” when it comes to DEI, one thing we need to leave in the rearview is piling on all this extra, uncompensated, unrecognized labor onto women of color.

I’m often citing this particular article, which breaks down the importance and how-to’s of supporting women of color to lead in their organizations, rather than expecting them to “do it all.” A piece of the puzzle is ensuring that companies and company leaders recognize and address the systemic conditions that are at play and focus “building a culture and system around [the WOC leader] that supports the fact that she is responsible for juggling multiple roles beyond” her actual job description.

Even Harvard Business Review has shone a light on the emotional labor implicit in leadership–which I would argue is amplified multiple times for women of color. Leaders must manage the emotions and emotional state of their teams and staff, they have to project confidence and success–even during down times. All of this emotional labor can take a toll without proper supports in psychologically safe environments, preferably with other leaders who are “true peers.” Otherwise, burnout, succession planning issues, retention, and hits to the bottom line are likely to result.

So, what can organizations do to actually support women of color at work?

Here are 7 starting points:

1. Recognize the systemic barriers that women of color face.

2. Value, acknowledge, and recognize the emotional labor that women of color do.

3. Create a collaborative workplace culture where everyone is responsible for administrative tasks.

4. Make sure DEI work is not siloed or treated like a “nice-to-have” at work.

5. Support and uplift women of color in the workplace.

6. Ensure that there are truly safe spaces for women of color to grow and advance in their careers.

7. Watch out for your own fragility.

Now let’s break each of those down in turn.

1. Recognize the systemic barriers that women of color face–and take concrete steps to address them (or at least make a plan to start addressing them). This includes addressing race- and gender-based harassment and discrimination, microaggressions, pay inequity, leadership gaps, lack of professional development and growth opportunities, and addressing implicit bias in hiring, retention, and promotion processes.

2. Value, acknowledge, and recognize the emotional labor that women of color do–and give them credit for this work and initiative when making decisions around career advancement, promotions, and raises. On the flip side, if women of color are taking on roles like leading ERGs (employee resource groups), BRGs (business resource groups), or other affinity groups, make sure this work is adequately compensated, comes with protected time to devote to it, and is credited during performance reviews and evaluations.

3. Create a collaborative workplace culture where everyone is responsible for administrative tasks and the things everyone wants in a company that’s a “great place to work.” This can include rotating these tasks among all staff members, writing it into job descriptions and/or the expectations for all team members, as well as properly valuing and recognizing the importance of this work (as opposed to treating it like lower-level work, i.e., the white collar version of so-called “unskilled labor”).

4. Make sure DEI work is not siloed or treated like a “nice-to-have” at work. While it’s problematic to rely on women of color to lead the charge on this work in an unsupported manner (i.e., insufficient pay, time, resources, and institutional backing), it’s also problematic that over 76% of Chief Diversity Officers are White (at its height, this stat was 83% as recently as 2011). White folks must find a way to do their own anti-racism and DEI work–without centering themselves–instead listening to what their colleagues of color are recommending. This can vary from workplace to workplace so I hesitate to add anything more prescriptive. The key, however, is to LISTEN TO what your colleagues of color are saying and asking for–and if your workplace isn’t psychologically safe for them, you may have to “listen” by reading between the lines and looking deeper.

5. Support and uplift women of color in the workplace. If you are not a woman of color, it is imperative that you use your power, privilege, and access to support and uplift women of color. This can include advocating for their inclusion in leadership roles, in important projects; speaking up when you witness microaggressions or discrimination against them; and amplifying their voices in meetings (by giving them credit by name!), in emails, in Slack/Teams, and elsewhere. It also means making sure that women of color have access to the same opportunities for professional growth and advancement as their White colleagues.

6. Ensure that there are truly safe spaces for women of color to grow and advance in their careers. Like anyone else, women of color want to skill up and feel like they’re growing and contributing in meaningful ways to their workplaces. But, like people of color in general, women of color don’t have the same levels of access to generational knowledge, networks, and wealth that White folks do. And they will face structural and institutional barriers that are uniquely intersectional. Given this backdrop, it is vital that women of color are supported to access psychologically safe and culturally competent career and executive coaching opportunities, leadership training, and other forms of professional development. Companies can play their part by providing resources, funding, and protected time to allow for their meaningful participation. Investing in their career development goes a long way in improving retention, shoring up succession planning, and building a thriving and healthy workplace culture (and reputation in your industry!). If you’re wondering if your startup (or company) needs to support its women of color staff through psychologically safe and culturally competent coaching, take this 10-question assessment to find out.

7. Watch out for your own fragility. It’s not easy to admit a past mistake, an oversight, or a gap in our own knowledge. Being open to feedback and critique, actively seeking out education and training around anti-oppression, and continually examining our own biases and assumptions is some of the hardest work we have to do in our lives. However, it is our collective responsibility to practice vulnerability and always adopt a growth mindset. We are bound to make mistakes as we are human. And our responsibility to each other as human beings who work in a shared workplace, is to keep striving to be more equitable and inclusive. To right wrongs. To communicate openly. And to admit that none of us knows it all.

So during Women's History Month and beyond, let's put an end to the unhealthy imbalance when it comes to emotional labor in the workplace and recognize, reward, and support women of color for all they have done to be the “glue” and “pillars” of our workplaces.

Here’s to a future where all women of color are genuinely able to thrive at work.