When You’re Unsure
Do you ever feel like you’re moving through life in a fog?
Or stumbling around in the dark, unsure of where to step or whether you’re actually going around in circles? This happens to me every so often, and I suspect that it happens to everyone at some point or another (whether we want to admit it or not).
I’ve been in one of these phases for the last few weeks. It got so bad that I started questioning and second-guessing every decision I was making, wondering if it was a step in the “right” direction – whether it was the “right” thing for my business – or not. It’s the perfect opportunity for self-doubt and negative self-talk to swoop in and take over.
It’s definitely not fun, constantly wondering if you’re doing the right thing or not.
As if part of you is micromanaging the other part of you. Things feel stunted, lurching, like stop-action clay-mation (but less cute and entertaining because it’s your life!).
The funny thing is, a few weeks ago, I went on this kick of urging my clients to listen more to their gut, to tune into their intuition, and use that as their ultimate guide.
Ever heard the saying, “We teach best what we most need to learn?” Well.
Clearly, I was preaching something that I was having a lot of trouble applying myself! It happens. Part of us knows, on some level, what we need to be doing. But another part of us resists for whatever reason. So how do we clear that resistance and regain some feeling of confidence, coherence, and flow?
The short answer is, I can’t tell you. Because it’s different for everyone. But you probably know. So it becomes a matter of excavation, maybe confronting some difficult issues, digging up some stuff, and then trying some things. And it ain’t easy. I know.
I’m lucky to have had support during this most recent foggy period. And lucky to have a sense of what I need to do in these times of confusion: Journal it out, dumping all my thoughts out on paper, no judgments or filters. Hold on tight to my meditation practice. Listen to music that I find soothing. Consult with a few trusted colleagues (as opposed to my old default – talking about it ad nauseum to anyone who would listen, which always left me feeling more confused and unsure than before).
But the most important thing was reminding myself that I had to pay attention to my own feelings and watch my instinctive reactions to things and TRUST THEM.
Many of us – especially women and people of color – are socialized to second guess ourselves all the time. I had let that socialization hold me back from freely following my internal compass. I was letting the what if’s and self-doubt hold me back like a sticky web.
So the next time you feel this way, ask yourself, what do I need to do to support myself in this time?
What can I do for myself? What can I ask from others?
And what does my intuition tell me?
If you can’t hear your intuition at first, don't panic. Ask yourself, what can I do, where can I go – to find it, to reconnect with it, to amplify it? Sometimes the answer is to do certain helpful things. Other times, the answer is to do less.
Regardless of what you choose to do, or not do, remember that nothing is permanent. Not the good things, not the bad things.
